Hi baby. I just wanted to write a letter to you. I know you heard me praying last night and I know you can feel the pain and ache of my heart. I just needed to stop in and say I love you and I miss you. Daniel is doing good. He is getting to play football this year so he is all in his glory. He and I have been doing A LOT of fun things together that I know you would have loved. We have recently went to the lake, went to Castles and Coasters and of course done movies and parks and Chuck E Cheese and other things. I laughed when we were at Chuck E Cheese cause I remembered how you were so scared of "the mouse" and you would just stand on the bench and stare. Two years have gone by so fast. And all I think about is how another 20 will pass and it will never be the same and it will never be any better. Jared is staying with Daniel and I right now. It seems that no one out there can get along. Its funny cause the people you love the most are the ones you hurt the most. Ironic huh? I have been having some really bad and scary dreams. It just seems that everything is falling down all around me. But I keep saying to myself, as long as I have you and Daniel, nothing else matters. I would not know what to do with myself if Daniel was not in my life day in and day out. I have finally gotten out of that I don't care about anything attitude and am back to living in reality day in and day out. Being there for Daniel 24x7 and raising him the best I can. And that reality is so painful. But it is my cure. It is my healing. I have come to the understanding that in order for me to let it all go and move on, I need to face it first. It hurts when most of the time it is just Daniel and I. It gets very lonely. There isnt the noise and commotion of all kinds of people around. But hey, as long as we have one another. Pray for Jared baby and help him realize that Janelle is the most important thing in his life and that sometimes we have bad people and influences in our lives that dont always want what is best for us. Family comes first. Help him stay strong and guide him in the right direction. Don't let him lose everything. Help Destiny and him compromise and understand one another and work through their problems. For we all know that tomorrow is not guranteed and what we meant to say to someone today, we may never get a chance cause tomorrow is not guranteed. I miss you Derek. More than anything in this world. One day, Daniel and I will be with you again. And our family will be complete. I love you baby