Here is a song that if you have never heard, do yourself a favor and listen to it. It is the words of my heart and the pain that rests there daily. I am my own worst enemy......

Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley:

She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby

(Sing lullaby)

The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

And how many nights I sat there alone and felt this same way. How many nights the same horrible temptations kept creeping up. Death sometimes seems so peaceful. So free of worry, pain and heartache. But it is not mine for the taking and I trust in the Lord and know he has plans for my life and lessons for me to learn. I give it all to him and just trust....................